The Negative of Tango

There is distinct negative side to Tango. It’s not all flowers and love as some would have you believe. It is a very challenging, and difficult dance to master physically, emotionally, intellectually, musically, psychologically, kinesthetically, and sociologically. Ask anyone that has done any deeper level of work to improve their dance, and they’ll tell you that it is at once eye-opening, blistering, noxious and wholly demoralizing. Demoralizing to the point where they want to quit dancing altogether. Take for instance Gustavo Naveira’s weeklong seminars, anyone that’s done them will tell you that after the first hour (and they’re generally 3 to 6 hrs each day), that their heads are spinning and they feel like children afterward. So this isn’t supposition, it’s a demonstrable, repeatable, concrete fact of happenstance. It happens.

Depending on the teacher that they’ve chosen to help them with their dance can change the quality of that experience for the student. If that particular teacher bases their entire teaching apparatus on honesty and truth in what the student is doing, then it’s going to be one helluva ride, emotionally (and that’s putting it mildly) for a variety of reasons. Most notably self-incrimination, hyper self-awareness, and feelings of isolation. If said chosen teacher does not base their teaching on truth but rather catering to the ‘feelings’ of the student, and very little substance of technique, then well…the teaching/student/learning experience itself will be a very joyful one. However there won’t be a whole lot of change in the student’s dance and/or technique, and the student will never know the difference either, except when later on they realize that they’re dancing with the same people, doing the same things, and they’re still not ‘improving’. Put simply the student must be challenged on every level, otherwise, the teacher isn’t doing their job.

In both cases, the student will be out money. It’s just that one of those cases the student will start the long process to improve, and the other, not so much with that. Honesty, or truth in this case, is absolutely crucial to their improvement and their continued development. Without that honesty of how the student is walking, how stable they are, whether or not they’re using their arms or hands, whether or not the student is pushing or pulling or hanging, for example then there is no honest assessment of skills, and abilities. And without that honest assessment, change in the student can not happen.

Just as a side note — Change comes from 2 factors: 1.) An clear, unvarnished, appraisal of a given situation. 2.) A desire for said situation to be better (not different) than before. Put this another way. If you go into your mechanic to have your car examined because it’s making a noise that it didn’t make before, and s/he tells you that it’s nothing and to ignore it. You generally listen, right ? However, when your car starts billowing smoke a few weeks later, you realize that you shouldn’t have ignored it, and in fact you’re going to fire that mechanic and find one that can get things fixed quickly, easily, and albeit cheaply. The same thing is true in Tango. You’re going to find a teacher that will be honest with you and not blow smoke up your ass. What is not true is that while there is billowing smoke from the heaping wreckage of your Tango life, or so you believe, is that it is fixable. It’s changeable. It’s just going to take time, patience, and lots of due diligence. And in case you’re not clear, that’s the ‘blistering’ part noted above. 😉 

This is the negative of Tango. Unfortunately, the honesty that you need, that you require, also has a major detracting factor: It’s wholly disheartening! The more honest you are, the more that you begin to nitpick everything that you thought was safe, and that makes you feel as if you can’t do anything right. While at the same time feeling as if you shouldn’t bother to improve at all if you can’t do anything right. Which is why most Tango teachers take it easy on their students because they fear that they’ll never, ever, come back if they spoke the unvarnished truth. While this is easier on the younger student, it’s even more challenging with the older one. The older that you are, the longer the process takes for change to occur. And that means more time spent on one’s foundation doing drills and exercises to improve the clarity of your movements so that you respond as though it’s instinctual. The problem is that it’s depressing. It’s awful. It’s painful. And everyone that you dance with feels wrong. Everything you do is just one long screw up. There’s an error here, an error there, error, error, error.

Before we go any further you’re going to ask “Jesus! When does it get better ?”. Answer ? Poco a poco. Little by little. Change does not come in one heaping basket, it comes in little tiny bits and fits. Change doesn’t happen over night. It happens over a period of time. That period of time depends on many factors. Not the least of which is the effort that you put into that change.

How do you deal with the Negative ? The answer to this question is wide and varied. And it really depends on the personality of the person involved. However, here are some helpful things that can help you to cope with the depression that is going to come from that needed honesty and change.

1.) Breathe. No. Seriously breathe. This isn’t personal. You’re only making it personal. This is about what you’re doing and how you’re doing it. It will change with time, patience, and understanding.

2.) “It’s Not The End of the World”. The fact is that it’s just a dance, and it’s just Tango and the world is not going to suddenly stop spinning if you can’t do an Ocho properly (proper is sometimes ‘subjective). This statement is one way to at once distance yourself from what you’re doing but at the same time make it not so life-threatening. To be fair there does need to be a personal investment in how and what you’re doing otherwise the whole process of change isn’t going to happen. However, this tiny little statement will keep things real for you.

3.) Talk a little. Get it out of your system. You’re spending waaaaay too much time in your own head. So get it out of your head, and that means talk to your Tango friends, they won’t understand it all that much because the process is different for each of us. But talking about what you’re going through will help. However, that’s not enough. Be careful with this one, because a good portion of them, especially the men will try to show you ‘X’ trying to problem solve, when this isn’t about ‘X’, but rather about how you’re feeling about ‘X’.

4.) Write a little and then Burn it. Yup. You read that rightly. Burn it. Trash what you’ve written. This is really just a way to get what’s in your head, out of your head, and then to discard those thoughts. That’s all. You don’t need to send this to anyone, it’s just for you. If you need to publish this stuff, then go ahead, but it’s not necessary. Write it down, write out how you’re feeling and then here’s the hard part, dump it. And then start again until you don’t need to write it down anymore.

and lastly…

5.) Talk To Your Teacher. Tell them how you’re feeling. They’ve been where you are more than likely. They may actually have something can help you to change your perspective slightly, and really that slightness is probably all you really need to hear. Don’t mishear this as you want them to change what they’re doing (assuming they’re the honest type of teacher), because it’s actually changing you, and you want the change, no….you’re just expressing the fact that you’re feeling depressed and feel like you can’t do anything right. That’s all.

The fact is… The reality is that if you’re doing your job right, you’re going to feel absolutely awful about your ‘progress’. Things are going to suck for a while. That is a fact. However, how you deal with that ‘suckage’ is entirely up to you. Put this another way “Pain is inevitable, Suffering is optional”. Which is to say that pain in life is going to happen. It’s part of the human experience. Suffering, on the other hand, is entirely within your grasp to change.

The Tango Topics Opinion: There is another ‘Negative’ with regards to Tango. And it has to do with the seedy side of the dance. And it’s the part that almost no one talks about. And it needs to be given voice. Rightfully this thing deserves its own topic and it will get one on its own very soon. There’s just a lot of other stuff to get to along the way that helps to drive the point home! So what’s the topic ? Women In Tango. Specifically, the pretty girl that’s just started out. Who, sadly, becomes the tango flavor du jour. A pretty girl, not only does she have to contend with a whole bunch of technique, she also has to deal with men of a certain proclivity hitting on her left, right, and center! UUUUUUGH! And quite honestly because of the nature of the dance, it’s just assumed that that’s how things are. Uuugh. Ummmm, NOT!

Let’s get something right out of the way first and foremost: That’s not how things are supposed to be. Just because you are holding someone close to your body is not license to engage in inappropriate behavior. Touching someone inappropriately is not ok. Speaking to them in a sexually or intimate or suggestive manner that crosses boundaries, social conventions, is not ok. Pushing the boundaries of what is acceptable social behavior is not ok. Let’s put this another way, if you’re a man and you’re reading this: Would you want your own mother to be talked to as if she were a sexual play thing ? Or as if she was someone’s doll ? Probably not. So why is it ok for you to suggest to a Follower that they do X ? Simply because it’s part of the dance ? Rubbing, grinding, compressing the frak out of a particular Follower because they’ve got a larger than average chest is just NOT ‘ok’. Never. Ever. And so that we’re clear that also means keeping a civil f*cking tongue in your head!!!! Keep your thoughts to yourself. Keep your private parts private. Got it ?

Followers ? If this is happening to you, if you’re in a situation where a Lead is being verbally or physically suggestive with you, or you don’t feel safe, or you don’t feel comfortable, or you’d like an escort out to your car, try as hard as you can to extricate yourself from the embrace of that partner, and then find the organizer of the event and explain the situation to them. Do not under any circumstances confront that individual directly. It just may exacerbate the situation. Find the organizer, and explain, that’s their job believe it or not, to deal with this stuff. Yes it’s uncomfortable, yes it’s unsavory and you shouldn’t have to put up with it at all. But there are some men that inhabit Argentine Tango as a social dancing form that do not understand that the social boundaries of the real world and the tango world are exactly the same. Some men take it upon themselves to cross those boundaries simply because it’s tango. UUUUGH! So we have to take some drastic measures with this stuff and explain it to them like they’re a five year old!

Men that know how to act accordingly ? This part is for you: You also have a responsibility! What’s that ? It’s to keep a watchful eye out for the pretty girls that just walked in the door, and have been dancing for about 5 minutes (metaphorically speaking) and to make certain that they’re treated with the utmost. This should be true of all women, not just the pretty girls. But the fact is that the pretty girls get all the attention, so we focus on them here. Watch out for the guys, you know the ones that squeeze the daylights out of their Followers, holding them a little too close, and usually dance with the young, pretty girls that don’t know the lay of the land yet about who to avoid like the plague. It’s your responsibility that when you see this stuff to have a few choice words with the creepy Lead/er and explain the facts of social convention to them, while showing them the door. Got it ?

That said…that’s all we have to say on this issue for now. More on it later.

MORE REMINDERS

Wine & Tango

Stop and think about something for a moment: Wine is alcohol (duh). Alcohol is a depressant, not a stimulant, it lowers our inhibitions, and ability for rational thought. It allows for us to do things while under it’s effects (inebriation) that we wouldn’t normally do. Like for instance, ‘drunk dial the ex’, or taken to the extreme – driving while intoxicated (tsk, tsk, tsk). Typically the average ‘wine’ drinker never gets beyond the tipsy stage….they can ‘hold their liquor’ as it were.

Read More »

Age (Women)

The fact is that the younger and prettier you are, the more physically attractive you are, the more likely you are to get dances. That’s fact. I mean we’re dealing with ‘men’ here so … well do the math! However just because said younger and prettier girl gets the dance does not necessarily mean that said Follower will keep it. A good number of better leads, will actually over look said younger and prettier girl because they know that said Follower can barely walk, turn, embrace, or for that matter breathe properly. That is, unfortunately, only about 10-20% of the available L/leads in the room.

Read More »

Magical Improvement

“She’s not magically going to improve just because you ‘show’ her what she’s supposed to do at that moment.” To make this non gender specific, because this axiom applies to both genders, and both roles. As well as teachers and students. Some teachers know this truth, some teachers learn it the hard way. Clarity: The – “supposed to do” part above. This idea frequently occurs where you have a male Lead that has an expectation of X being followed properly, where X is Traveling Ochos, Volcada, Milonguero Turn, etc. And when it doesn’t they stop their dancing and then show the Follower what was intended. And here’s the magical part, they keep showing them, hoping that it will change the Follower’s behavior and frequently it doesn’t.

Read More »

Compression

Compression’ means that you’re either pulling your partner into you and/or at the same time restricting their movements in a myriad of ways (hand, arm, head). As a Lead this typically manifests itself with your right forearm. As a Follower compression is typically done with your left forearm around your lead‘s shoulder (tsk, tsk, tsk, it should not be there).  

Read More »

The ‘Classy’ Move

Truth be told, the beginner dancer that does this will make themselves, and their dancing partner look absolutely fabulous regardless of how the dance went. What is it ? It’s The ‘Classy’ Move.

Read More »

Wood Floors

The toy of choice for most dancers is a ‘Sprung’ floor! That’s a work of art, science, and pure magic. Sprung floors are to dancers, what honey is to bees.  A ‘Sprung’ floor ? What’s that ? A Sprung floor is a dance floor that easily absorbs shocks, giving it a softer feel. Such floors are considered the best available for dance and indoor sports and physical education. They enhance performance and greatly reduce injuries.

Read More »

Physiological Contact

There is one aspect of The ‘Connection‘ Fallacy that comes up a lot and that’s the idea that there is some mystical/spiritual/magical way in which we communicate in the dance. That communication is stated as how our ‘connection’ is to someone and them to us and how well we ‘connected’ with each other. Rubbish! Not to piss in someone’s Cheerios but that’s just magical thinking.

Read More »

10 REASONS TO SUBSCRIBE

There are 4 Levels of Access: Free, Basic, Premium, and Premium+. Free pays nothing but gets a perk just for signing up. 

1.) Free Users get to see 5 of the 125 Different Tango Topics on the site. Plus you get access to the entire Tango Reminders and Tango Ideas sections of the site. These are short form Topic descriptors with a little detail about the topic and the video.

2.) 
Basic and Premium users Save A BOATLOAD of MONEY! Buying this stuff outright is expensive.

3.) Basic, Premium, and Premium+ users get access to the ALL ARTICLES and THE FULL ARTICLE which you can’t see right now.

4.) Basic, Premium, and Premium+ users have way better video resolution: Free = 420p, Basic = 720p, Premium = 1080p and 4K. 

5.) Basic, Premium, and Premium+ users get the ‘Dancing Perspectives’ & ‘The Soup’ sections of the document you just read (Lead, Follow, and Dancing) which are open to you. And that’s where all the good stuff is at. 

6.) Video Downloads! 

7.) Access to the Tango Topics Music Library (22 Curated Golden Age Orchestras)

8.) Access to ‘Tango Del Dia’ – Our Music Education System with access to 14 Days of Music, 30 Days of Music Education, and 30 More Days of Tango Del Dia. 

9.) We explain things, break the vocabulary down in a visual way, from multiple angles, showing feet, hands, and close ups! Yes there’s a lot of talking but we want you to understand what it is that you’re doing and why, not just steps, patterns, and figure

and #10:
No more annoying ads at the bottom of the page, begging you to subscribe! 

Keep something in the back of your mind: What you’re seeing in a youtube video is a couple that is performing for the 15th row for a room full of people. They’re not social dancingWhereas this website is all about ‘Social Tango’  or how to make things function on a social dance floor. Social Dance floor ? Your local milonga! They are showing you flashy moves as a presentation, to show off! But not stopping and talking about how this works which is what you need to see. This website and all of it’s content show you the how and  why you’d want to put that piece of vocabulary there, or how to make things work. This website is all about those things and more!

You could watch Tango YouTube videos and thereby spend your time, trying to infer, and figure out how things may work in that particular situation. Bend your body this way or that, twist and force this position or that. Place your foot here or there and figure it out. This is known as Tango Twister.  Which can be a lot of fun, but more than likely it won’t help you, because you’re missing something: The explanation from an experienced teacher showing you how to properly excute this stuff from a Leading Perspective as well as from a Following Perspective!

The goal of YouTube videos is to get you to study with those teachers in person. The goal of Tango Topics videos allows you to work at your own pace, in the comfort of your own space, so that you can play them over and over again to improve your understanding of the vocabulary or technique being described to therefore better your dancing experience. The goal of classes and workshops is to get you to come back over and over and over again, thereby spending more money with that teacher. This website and the videos under it are here to act as a resource for you to help you to improve your dance. Pay once and you’re done.

Eventually, one way or another you’re going to pay for this lesson, either here and now, or with them. TANSTAAFL! The difference between that lesson and this ? Is that you get to play this lesson over and over and over again. Further still, there are supporting materials (other videos) that help to explain the language and the underlying technique of how and why things work, so you can easily reference those things in the corresponding articles that go with the material, and or any language in the Tango Topics Dictionary. 

DROP ME MSG HERE