Age (Women)

For women, age does matter. Sadly.

The fact is that the younger and prettier you are, the more physically attractive you are, the more likely you are to get dances. That’s fact. I mean we’re dealing with ‘men’ here so … well do the math! However just because said younger and prettier girl gets the dance does not necessarily mean that said Follower will keep it. A good number of better leads, will actually over look said younger and prettier girl because they know that said Follower can barely walk, turn, embrace, or for that matter breathe properly. That is, unfortunately, only about 10-20% of the available L/leads in the room.

Understand something that skillz always trumps beauty, always. I know that your experience says otherwise. Because from your perspective said younger and prettier is getting all the dances, and you’re still sitting. What you fail to realize is that (as sexist as this sounds) said Follower is the ‘flavor of the moment’. Eventually there will be another ‘flavor’, and that one you’re getting all persnickety about right now, will be sitting next to you a week from now wondering the same thing (‘what happened ? I was so popular last week….’).

Your only winning move, the thing that will constantly trounce beauty, is to work on your skills, constantly: Work on your balance, your stability, your embrace, not to hang, not to pull, not to push. Work on your forward steps, your side steps, your back steps. Work on being an INDEPENDENT follower where you do not need to hold on to your lead in order to move, you do not need your lead to stabilize you, you can walk, turn, and cross BY YOURSELF! If you can’t do that, then you have issues that need to be resolved before you are going to get what you want.

There are other caveats to this line of reasoning that need to be addressed such as your ‘Tango Baggage’ (Vol 3 – Truism 1146) before you can trounce beauty completely. However, working on your skills, constantly and showing up diligently for classes every week, and dancing as much as possible in practicas, is a good start. That and more than a few private lessons with more than ONE tango teacher! And one more — Two words for you: Follower Technique videos, classes, workshops. 

There is another pathway to ‘dancing‘ where age has no meaning. It means learning to lead. And the mature dancer knows and understands that this is a viable possibility. It’s just one that a good number of them do not wish to think about. Some view it, for a variety of reasons, as either too much work (not so by the way, it’s the same amount of work just in a different area), as ‘unladylike‘, or something akin to not ‘real‘ dancing. All of this is of course is fallacy to be certain. It’s a reason not to go deeper, not to fully understand the dance, to take it out of the black art of gender specific dancing, and instead fully take responsibility for one’s own movement, and truly understand what you really want to doing. There is one major side benefit to swapping roles, and that’s you’ll finally understand the other side of the embrace and it will inform you to improve your gendered specific role in ways you can’t even begin to imagine.

One point of note, a good portion of Followers will hear this advice above as Follower Bashing. So the thinking goes, here you have one more male lead teacher/dancer blaming the follower instead of what’s happening for the lead (or so you assume), that doesn’t Follow (I do, and socially!), doesn’t know diddly about how to Follow (I teach this stuff frequently), that hasn’t danced in heels (Not so. I used to own a pair of black velour comme il fauts in my size), and doesn’t take the Lead to task for what’s going on for them! All not true. As evidenced here, and here. And here, and here, and here, and here, and here, and here, and here, and here just to name a few. This site, equally points out the issues with BOTH roles, not just one. This stuff is a lot to take in all in one bi/yte. and it’s hard enough with just one role to hear just one piece of the topic, where there are multiple issues that need to addressed.

The Tango Topics Opinion: Let’s get something straight, we live in a society that glorifies youth, and disposes of people of age. That sucks. It’s wrong. It shouldn’t happen, but it does. Youth sells. Age does not. It’s not sexy. And sexy sells. At the same time for a woman of a certain age, there is something to be said for age, wisdom, patience, and grace. Look, men are going to be men, and there’s no denying that. You can’t get around them. Ok, you can, but there’s a different way to deal with this stuff instead of beating yourself up that you’re not 25 and not getting all the dances in the room. Chillax, pick your partners very carefully, and while this may mean sitting more than you would like especially when you want to dance to a particular milonga tune, be patient and relax. Enjoy the music, and get the tandas that you absolutely want. Don’t go after every tom, dick, and larry. Choose your Tom’s very carefully. Very. Focus on the quality of the dance as much as you can not the frequency. That and private lessons wouldn’t hurt on a weekly basis. That said, one thing to note is to get out of your local scene and travel as much as you possibly can. The more you travel and the more that you see the tango world, the less it will feel stagnant in your local scene. One thing to try is the Encuentro Scene in Europe. It is where a lot of women of a certain age are showing up. Just a thought. Anyway, YMMV. Smile.

MORE REMINDERS

Follower’s Left Arm

You’re going to see this, and quite honestly, from a whole swath of Followers from your run of the mill local social dancer to professional doing this. Is this desirable ? No. Why ? Several reasons. Two of the more common reasons:

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Magical Improvement

“She’s not magically going to improve just because you ‘show’ her what she’s supposed to do at that moment.” To make this non gender specific, because this axiom applies to both genders, and both roles. As well as teachers and students. Some teachers know this truth, some teachers learn it the hard way. Clarity: The – “supposed to do” part above. This idea frequently occurs where you have a male Lead that has an expectation of X being followed properly, where X is Traveling Ochos, Volcada, Milonguero Turn, etc. And when it doesn’t they stop their dancing and then show the Follower what was intended. And here’s the magical part, they keep showing them, hoping that it will change the Follower’s behavior and frequently it doesn’t.

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Floorcraft

What is Floorcraft ? In it’s simplest form, as there layers and layers to this stuff, it is how to navigate the floor while dancing with your partner and not hitting the couples ahead, or behind you. As well as not touching the tables, and chairs. All the while interpreting the music, concurrently interpreting the beat and the musical pauses to fit the tango vocabulary while maintaining the spacing between the couples.

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Lead Bashing

Bashing ? Meaning that you’re throwin’ some shade, picking on, pointing out the errors of, giving some shit, pointing fingers at, trash talking, talk down, blaming and shaming, and the euphemistic UK’ism “taking the piss”. While that last one is more about making fun of someone, that’s not actually what this idea is all about. It’s about disparaging someone, or in this case, from a Tango perspective, the L/lead’s abilities (the person, and the action).

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Proprioception

According to Webster’s Dictionary the word ‘Proprioception’ comes from the latin word ‘proprius’ meaning “one’s own” or “individual”, and ‘capio’ or ‘capere’ meaning to take or to grasp. The word itself means a perception of one’s own body in space and time, as in the awareness of one’s body in space and time, as it refers to bodily position in space and time.

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The Follower’s Work

The Follower’s Work. These words may come as a surprise to you dear reader considering that this page has seemingly ‘bashed’ or disparaged the role of the Follow in any number of ways, however: The role of the Follower is work. This is by no means a complete list, but just a taste: A Follower must master in order to ‘dance’ with a particular Lead their stability, their walk backwards, and forwards to the side without wobbling.

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The Bloody Toe

The fact is that while open toed shoes can be lovely to look at, they have a practical downside that no one likes to talk about – one wrong move and you’re lookin’ at a serious injury!

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Body Contortion

A good portion of people come into the embrace, Lead or Follow, and in one way, shape, or form, contort their bodies to make the dance work while dancing, rather than employ proper technique.

Contort ? Yes. For example: As a Lead or Follow they might dance with a ‘head tilt‘ towards (buried into) or away from their partner, or as a Lead they’ll employ ‘waiter arm and hand’, or as a Follower they’ll dance in their Lead’s armpit, twisting their body to the side, and un-leveling their shoulders. This is contortion. 

Read More »

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Keep something in the back of your mind: What you’re seeing in a youtube video is a couple that is performing for the 15th row for a room full of people. They’re not social dancingWhereas this website is all about ‘Social Tango’  or how to make things function on a social dance floor. Social Dance floor ? Your local milonga! They are showing you flashy moves as a presentation, to show off! But not stopping and talking about how this works which is what you need to see. This website and all of it’s content show you the how and  why you’d want to put that piece of vocabulary there, or how to make things work. This website is all about those things and more!

You could watch Tango YouTube videos and thereby spend your time, trying to infer, and figure out how things may work in that particular situation. Bend your body this way or that, twist and force this position or that. Place your foot here or there and figure it out. This is known as Tango Twister.  Which can be a lot of fun, but more than likely it won’t help you, because you’re missing something: The explanation from an experienced teacher showing you how to properly excute this stuff from a Leading Perspective as well as from a Following Perspective!

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