The ‘Connection’ Fallacy

Connection” is a wonderful idea.

We like to believe in the romanticism of this word, and all that it implies, which is as it turns out a considerable amount.

However, the word itself, from a Tango perspective, has been beaten up and bruised that it more than likely has lost its original intent. When you say the word to someone it could mean any one of eight (8) different things as it relates to the dance. However, this is not a definition of the word, for that please see the Tango Topics Definition of the word “Connection“. 

The Fallacy that Today’s Tango Thought is talking about refers to the belief that somehow the physiological construct of someone’s embrace, or their walk, or their interpretation of the music is complimentary (or not) to the clarity of what was intended. Which, and here’s the rub, creates the illusion of safety, security, understanding, couple gestalt, co-dependence, and most of all intimacy. This is the fallacy.

To be fair no one can create those things, it is a perception that we all have to feel wanted and understood. It’s part of our basic group human nature that goes back thousands and thousands of years that has not left us, nor will it ever. It’s part of the reason that Tango is a social construct. A rigid, highly structured, social construct but a construct none-the-less!

Is this fallacy desirable ? No. Are you going to engage in it anyway? Yup. Why ? Because the fantasy is far easier to subscribe to than the reality. The reality is that you’re wobbling all over the place, that your embrace is insanely compressive, that you hang, you push, you pull, and you’re completely unaware that you’re doing these things, constantly. That’s the reality. And if that sounds like ‘bashing’, or perfectionistic language, then you’re missing the point entirely.

The point: While you can engage in the fallacy all you want, the realities are still going to be there until you clean up your issues. Once you do, and this is the part you’re really after believe it or not, then the ethereal constructs that you seek will be even more elusive to you, more so than you can realize. And you will continue to believe or delude yourself in the pursuit of the fallacy of ‘Connection’ that this is Tango, and it’s not. There is something far greater than you can possibly conceive of in the waiting for you if and only if you remove your issues from the equation.

MORE REMINDERS

Hoy Milonga

The app shows you exactly what milonga is happening on that day, where the milonga is at, and when, what bus lines are closest to that milonga, and how to get there. It also shows you contact information as well to call them for table reservations. It’s kept upto date, and is a free download for iOS and/or Android. There is also a companion website which shows you the same basic information as the app just laid out in a better format.

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La Viruta

Let’s get the details out of the way. The sight lines are awful. It’s dark, pitch dark in certain parts of the room. It’s crowded, and hot even with the A.C on in the ‘summer’. The drinks are expensive. The tables are small, assuming you can find one or have reserved one (which is recommended). The ‘hot’ area, meaning a place to ‘get’ dances, in the room is in front of the bar at the back left side of the room, and the entrance fee is on par with everywhere else (see end). There’s a restaurant upstairs, and on Mondays and Tuesday nights there is Salsa there. The rest of the week, it’s all Tango baby. There are classes nearly every night of the week, for different levels.

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Wine & Tango

Stop and think about something for a moment: Wine is alcohol (duh). Alcohol is a depressant, not a stimulant, it lowers our inhibitions, and ability for rational thought. It allows for us to do things while under it’s effects (inebriation) that we wouldn’t normally do. Like for instance, ‘drunk dial the ex’, or taken to the extreme – driving while intoxicated (tsk, tsk, tsk). Typically the average ‘wine’ drinker never gets beyond the tipsy stage….they can ‘hold their liquor’ as it were.

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More Classes

At some point along the curve of your tango life, continuing to take classes seems like a really stupid idea. You’ve learned everything you need to know to get around the floor. Practice isn’t really that important any longer. And going to Milongas is really the important part, so who needs to practice ?

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Being Criticized

The truth is that this is critical feedback, about what you’re doing and how you’re doing it. Hopefully that critical feedback or criticism is done with exacting detail, which is needed for analysis, breakdown, and then reconstruction or rebuilding your posture, walk, embrace, vocabulary, and/or musical interpretation. Without that critical feedback, you will continue to make the same mistakes over and over again thinking that everything is happy and lovely when in fact it’s not.

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La Cumparsita

At the end of nearly every Milonga in the world, that you will ever attend, while you will hear more than a few familiar songs, there are a handful that have very specific meanings. One of them is played at the end of the night to signify that the Milonga has come to end, which should be a cue to find your favorite partner and to dance with them. The song ? “La Cumparsita” or as it is translated into English, ‘The Little Carnival’.

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Follower’s Left Arm

You’re going to see this, and quite honestly, from a whole swath of Followers from your run of the mill local social dancer to professional doing this. Is this desirable ? No. Why ? Several reasons. Two of the more common reasons:

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Compression

Compression’ means that you’re either pulling your partner into you and/or at the same time restricting their movements in a myriad of ways (hand, arm, head). As a Lead this typically manifests itself with your right forearm. As a Follower compression is typically done with your left forearm around your lead‘s shoulder (tsk, tsk, tsk, it should not be there).  

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Keep something in the back of your mind: What you’re seeing in a youtube video is a couple that is performing for the 15th row for a room full of people. They’re not social dancingWhereas this website is all about ‘Social Tango’  or how to make things function on a social dance floor. Social Dance floor ? Your local milonga! They are showing you flashy moves as a presentation, to show off! But not stopping and talking about how this works which is what you need to see. This website and all of it’s content show you the how and  why you’d want to put that piece of vocabulary there, or how to make things work. This website is all about those things and more!

You could watch Tango YouTube videos and thereby spend your time, trying to infer, and figure out how things may work in that particular situation. Bend your body this way or that, twist and force this position or that. Place your foot here or there and figure it out. This is known as Tango Twister.  Which can be a lot of fun, but more than likely it won’t help you, because you’re missing something: The explanation from an experienced teacher showing you how to properly excute this stuff from a Leading Perspective as well as from a Following Perspective!

The goal of YouTube videos is to get you to study with those teachers in person. The goal of Tango Topics videos allows you to work at your own pace, in the comfort of your own space, so that you can play them over and over again to improve your understanding of the vocabulary or technique being described to therefore better your dancing experience. The goal of classes and workshops is to get you to come back over and over and over again, thereby spending more money with that teacher. This website and the videos under it are here to act as a resource for you to help you to improve your dance. Pay once and you’re done.

Eventually, one way or another you’re going to pay for this lesson, either here and now, or with them. TANSTAAFL! The difference between that lesson and this ? Is that you get to play this lesson over and over and over again. Further still, there are supporting materials (other videos) that help to explain the language and the underlying technique of how and why things work, so you can easily reference those things in the corresponding articles that go with the material, and or any language in the Tango Topics Dictionary. 

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