Tango Topics | Exploring Your Dance


The Follower's Apology

This will be a short, sweet, and to the point piece of tango advice that you may not want to read or for that matter agree with.

Here’s the short part: The Follower is always right.
Here’s the sweet part: The Follower is always right.
Here’s the to the point part: The Follower is always right.

Are we clear ?


Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, this next bit is for the nay-sayers that will either completely contest that statement or come up with a reason why the Follower can be wrong…sit down, and listen…err…read, and you just might learn something.

Let’s get something out immediately, this isn’t Lead bashing, nor is it Follower Empowerment day at Tango Topics, nor is it blowing smoke up someone’s ass either to win friends and influence people. The reality is that this page has always been about speaking truth, and sometimes it speaks that truth a little too harshly for some folks to hear. Take for instance a few years ago when we published our manifesto on “Asking a Man to Dance!”, or it’s corollary “Asking a Woman to Dance!”. Both manifestos (which you should totally go read) favor one thing before you even begin to ask: working on your foundation!. So get that little thought out of your head that this post is all about the Follower. Not.

Now to the the reason why the Follower is ALWAYS right.

It is a very simple idea:

If, and only if, the Follower is being honest, and they’re following exactly what they felt at the moment that they felt it and did NOT correct for it, and they executed what they felt in the time that they had available to them, then they’re right.

There are only 2 instances when the Follower can be and is WRONG.

1.) When they self correct for what was felt.

2.) They step on someone.

Every Follower is taught from the moment that they start dancing, that whatever they do, that they’re in err. Further still that the Lead is arbiter of all that is good, honest, true, and right in the Tango universe. There’s just one little tiny issue with that reasoning. The Lead is wholly fallible and screws up more often than not, and if that’s true then why is the Follower Apologizing for the Lead’s screw up ?

Answer ? Because they’re trained to do precisely that. That’s why.

Now here’s the kicker, the part that will blow your tango mind. Even if the Follower is consciously aware that they shouldn’t apologize. They’ll still do it because it’s hardwired into them. We’re talking about unconscious, default behavior.  The Follower will apologize for what was led without even thinking of it. It has become so wrote, so common place they can’t even see themselves or hear themselves doing it.


Is this desirable ? No it’s not.

Let’s put this another way so that you can see the enormity of the problem:

Let’s assume for the moment that the Lead goes to execute an Argentine Cross (steps 2 thru 5 of the basic 8, for those of you still thinking in steps & numbers), and doesn’t actually lead it, but instead infers it. Let’s also assume that the Follower is trained Follower that follows exactly what was led to a tee with unending attention to detail for what the Lead invoked. However, as the Cross is about to reach the actual crossing step, the Lead changes direction and tries to invoke another piece of vocabulary before the crossing step happens. The Follower stumbles due to the quick change, the Lead says nothing, and the Follower opens their mouth and says the following words: “I’m sorry!”.

To be fair, the Lead may have made that change due to navigational issues, musical issues, or a combination of both or any number of a hundred reasons that came up in that moment. The reason for the change, honestly, doesn’t matter. How the change was implemented DOES MATTER and it’s also the root of most Tango issues.

You would think that this is an isolated incident, or a made up scenario, or that it only applies to this piece of vocabulary, when it is anything but that. This same situation, a Follower apologizing for the Lead’s change of whatever, happens more often than you can even begin to imagine.

The reality is that a Lead will half-way invokes an idea and the Follower must, through some kind of mental trickery, read the Lead’s mind as to what on god’s green earth the Lead meant by that inference of attempt at an X. All the while the Follower must somehow come out the other side with an idea that closely resembles what the almighty Lead intended. Sometimes this works, and sometimes it doesn’t. And more often than not when the Follower doesn’t engage their mental telepathy that day they’ll shrug their shoulders and say “I’m sorry” for not being able to read the Lead’s mind and magically arrive at the desired piece of vocabulary.

Fortunately the Follower has a 1 in 3 chance of getting it right. 1 in 3 ? Forward, Side, and Back. And a 1 in 5 chance of picking the right thing that was intended. 1 in 5 ? 1.) Walking & Weight Changes. 2.) Ochos. 3.) Turns. 4.) Crosses. 5.) Cortados. Or the Five Social Figures (which you should go look at and study, religiously). It’s not Rocket Science, it’s Tango!

What this all boils down to is that when the Follower stops apologizing for what the Leads are leading, then interesting things start to happen. One of which is that the Follower becomes a lot more honest and more importantly consciously aware of what’s going on. Not like they weren’t before, but let’s just say it things become a lot more hightened as a result. Secondly, Leads become a lot more aware of what they’re doing and why they’re doing it. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Ok enough preaching.

Watch the Video.
Share with your friends.
Follow the Advice.

learning tango is challenging. registering makes it easier. 😉

Have you seen the Walking Systems video ? This video series showcases the Six Ways of expanding your walk in Tango using: Parallel System Walking, Cross System Walking, Three Track Walking, ‘Lazy’ Ochos, The Snake Walks, & Alternate Walking.

Learn > The Six Ways of Walking

mark found the habanera in gold madness. you can too! 🙂

Have you seen the Milonga Madness series ? Over 2.5 hrs of pure Milonga Instruction GOLD with one of the best Social Milonga Teaching couples alive: Detlef Engel & Melina Sedó! It covers everything you need to know to get you up and running today with Milonga. Don’t delay, subscribe today!

Milonga Madness with Detlef Engel & Melina Sedo

explore your dance with a subscription! 😉

Why should you subscribe instead ?  Several reasons.  1.) Probably the biggest reason is to save a boatload of money. Buying these things outright isn’t cheap. Besides when you buy you only have access to the one video. Subscribing, on the other hand, gives you access to everything else so you can see the foundational material that goes with this stuff. 2.) Even if you’re a Free User, you’ll get access to free tips that aren’t available to anyone just reading the post like this one. 3.) Sometimes there are slightly different versions of the videos, that add a bit more content for the free user vs. an unregistered user. 4.) Because the Dancing Perspectives (Lead, Follow, and Dancing) are hidden to the open user. And that’s where all the information is at, unless you actually subscribe. Until you do, those very important textual descriptions of what’s going on for both Lead and Follow you want to read. 5.) And the real reason you should subscribe ? If you’re used to YouTube videos where you’ll see a performance, those Youtube videos don’t explain or walk you through how these ideas work! That is why! What you’re seeing is a presentation, a performance. Not how things work! And what you really need to see is how things work, and more importantly why they work! This website shows you that and more! 

Remember that what you’re seeing is a couple that is performing for the 15th row for a room full of people, they’re not social dancing. Whereas this website is all about ‘Social Dancing’  or how to make things function on a social dance floor. Social Dance floor ? Your local milonga! They’re showing flashy moves as a presentation! But not stopping and talking about how this works, why you’d want to put that piece of vocabulary there, or how to make things fit. This website is all about those things and more!

You could watch those videos and thereby spend your time, trying to infer, and figure out how things may work in that particular situation. Bend your body this way or that, twist and force this position or that. Place your foot here or there and figure it out. This is known as Tango Twister.  Which can be a lot of fun, but more than likely it won’t help you, because you’re missing something: The explanation from an experienced teacher showing you how to properly excute this stuff from a Leading Perspective as well as from a Following Perspective!

The goal of YouTube videos is to get you to study with those teachers in person. The goal of Tango Topics videos allows you to work at your own pace, in the comfort of your own space, so that you can play them over and over again to improve your understanding of the vocabulary or technique being described to therefore better your dancing experience. The goal of classes and workshops is to get you to come back over and over and over again, thereby spending more money with that teacher. This website and the videos under it are here to act as a resource for you to help you to improve your dance. Pay once and you’re done.

Eventually, one way or another you’re going to pay for this lesson, either here and now, or with them. TANSTAAFL! The difference between that lesson and this ? Is that you get to play this lesson over and over and over again. Further still, there are supporting materials (other videos) that help to explain the language and the underlying technique of how and why things work, so you can easily reference those things in the corresponding articles that go with the material, and or any language in the Tango Topics Dictionary. 

• Lifetime Access
• Preview Content
• Bootcamp Videos
Practical Tango Advice
• 20+ Free Technique Videos (Including: The Argentine Cross, 6 Ocho Variations, The Follower’s Shortened Side Step, and More!!!)
• Access to Level 1 of Tango Music – The Beat!
• 10% Discount on any Purchased Download.

!! FREE !!

Freemium Level + Everything Below
• Immediate Access to ALL Technique Videos
(Including: Boleo Series, Gancho Series, Sacada Series, Building Blocks Series, and The Golden Nugget Series)
• Access to Beat Exercises.
• 14 Days of Tango Music Exercises.
• 30 Days of Tango Music
• All 3 Volumes of Tango Truisms (1230 truisms)
• 25% Discount on any download.

$84.99 quarterly
$349.88 yearly

Improve Your Milonga Today
with Detlef Engel & Melina Sedó! 
• Immediate Access to Milonga Madness
• Technique & Musical Interpretation
• 3 Primary Rhythms of Milonga
• Clear Explanation of the Habanera
• Over 2.5 hrs of HD Video
• Milonga Exercises & More
or Go For The Gold & add Gold Level

Gold > $411.99

Scroll to top
Hide picture