You’re at a Milonga, and you dance with someone that feels light, soft, engaged, and effortless to dance with. In the course of dancing with them, you ask them what they do for a living and they’re reluctant to tell you what it is that they do. And eventually in the 30 seconds of the next song you wheedle it out of them, that they teach Tango. “Brilliant!” you think, so you believe that is the appropriate time to ask them for feedback about your dancing, and how to fix it right then and there.
First and foremost, no this is not the time to do this. Truth be told, they’re not there to pick you up as a student. They’re more than likely there to be social and to dance. Just like you. However, before we go any further it’s important to address this topic full on: There are some teachers who’s whole goal is to sucker you in with a dance and then sell you a package of stuff you don’t need. What you may not realize is that they’re not a very good teacher but you don’t know that, and you have no way to judge their teaching ability. The ability to teach and the ability to dance are very different skills! Those who do both equally well are rare finds. But again, you don’t know this. You’re still buzzing from the fact that their dance with you seemed effortless, easeful. And still another realization that may not hit you, this person may not understand both roles! Meaning ? Example, if you’re a Follower, and the guy you just danced with self-identified as a teacher, he may or may not follow socially. 🙂 How does that relate ? You’re asking to learn from a male teacher how to Follow socially who do not Follow, cannot Follow, and has never studied Following except in passing, and even then he’s heavy, slow, lethargic, and does all the things that he’s not supposed to do. Ummmm excuse me ? How is this guy going to help you as a Follower ? He may know how to lead X, Y, and Z, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s studied Follower technique, nor how to execute it, nor that he’s ever danced it in his entire life! The same is true from the other side of the gender, meaning a female Follower teacher and a Male student dancer. Just because she Follows well does not mean that she instantly understands how to lead X, Y, and Z or how to execute it. So in other words, do your homework before you sign up for lessons with these people.
Secondly, you’re breaking all sorts of rules with regards to the social dance and you should not be asking anything of anyone at this point, you’re there to dance, and be social, nothing more than that! Dance, smile, drink, have fun. Not engage in a conversation of technique and classes. It’s a social dance, not a lecture on technique. Separate the two please. 🙂
Now to the questions you have in your mind – and really the biggest of them all. “How do you feel to them ?“. Honestly, awful, more than likely, but they’re not going to say that to you. Doing so would crush you. You don’t have the mindset to handle that kind of truth, even though you say that you want the truth. You don’t. Not yet anyway. A student must be well prepared to hear this kind of truth (I usually do this with a dancing video as the set up for the truth that comes later in that same session). And beyond that, most of these teachers will never tell you this. They’ll never tell you how you really feel to them, and beyond that nor will they correct you about what you’re doing. They’ll fill you up with stuff you should be doing but never, ever correct you with how you are doing X, Y, and Z that they just showed you. This is not teaching by the way. It’s wasting your money. You’re there to learn to dance better than you are right now, it’s their JOB to correct you and if they’re not doing that then there’s a problem there. Put another way, telling you the truth of what and how you’re doing will drive business away from them (As a teacher, I speak truth, and I don’t care about your feelings, or your money. What I care about is teaching you to be self-aware, honest, a better dancer, and most importantly not to need me anymore).
Further still, describing to you how you feel will not help you either. Why ? Because you don’t possess the language, nor the skill set, to understand their answer (mostly because you haven’t studied with them), and quite frankly neither do they but you, nor they, don’t know that. Why ? Because the language set to describe X, Y, and Z in Tango is usually fraught with misnomers that can drive a person mad. How’s that ? Take for instance, a phrase that gets’s tossed around like it’s a get out of jail card frequently – “You’ve lost your axis!“. Really ? Hmmm, the human body has THREE primary Axises. Which one ? And more importantly to the statement itself is the absolute ludicrousness of that statement. You can’t lose an axis, they’re always there, always! They don’t magically disappear. It’s not like you lost your keys, “whoops! where did I put my keys!?!?!?!” or to the point “Hmmm where did I put my axis ?“. No. Fallacy, bullshit, and balderdash language! So what is more desirable language here ? In this instance, when talking about “Axis” it’s important to recognize the context of how the statement was used. As it could mean any one of about 15 different things! For instance, ‘balance’, ‘stability’, ‘pressure’, ‘compression’, ‘tension’, ‘force’, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg! So asking someone how you feel to them is a little like opening up Forrest Gump‘s proverbial box of chocolates! Want another tango fallacy ? Try “Over your balance”, or “On your weight”, or a personal favorite of mine “Pivot!”.
So now the question becomes, if you can’t ask at a Milonga, and the teacher’s that you may or may not want to study with aren’t going to tell you the truth, or be precise in their language, where can you get consistent help that can change your dance for the better ? Fortunately for you the resource for answering that question is right here. Just hit the green button!