Before you read any of this, I strongly advise you to approach what’s below with an open mind. It’s highly theoretical and requires a mindset of imagination first and foremost. If you are not able to do this, then what’s below will sound a lot like gobbly-gook to you. Further still, there are some that will make the attempt and just throw up their hands and ask the valid question > “What’s wrong with the way things are done ? The way that things are usually done works just fine for me! Why do we need to change it ?”. To which I would respond that there’s nothing wrong with that mindset. However, in my opinion and practice with my students, it is limiting and only has one specific goal in mind. Further still, you don’t need to change at all. No one, myself included, is not asking you to change your thinking or way of doing things. So don’t get it in your head that Mr. Miles is dictating to you that you must do X, Y, or Z. Nope. Quite the opposite. I am presenting an idea that I use as an effective model in training my students to be a different kind of dancer. A mindset that allows them to encompass the traditional mindset and ALSO allows for them to be even more flexible with their dance partners!
That said…let’s dive in!
My website (tangotopics.com) and this page are testaments to just how much I detest the word ‘Connection’. It’s a word that, in my opinion, has done nothing for the dance and actually creates far more confusion than it does clarify on multiple levels.
The Theory of the Conversation
There is another word, in English, that I have been using of late with my intensive-level students, ‘Conversation’. This word, which, again in my opinion, is more helpful to a degree…to a degree. Unfortunately, the word only covers a piece of the dynamic between the roles. But it covers probably one of the more important pieces of one of the seven possible definitions of ‘Connection’. And that is the communication between Lead and Follow and how it flows or doesn’t. That ‘Connection’ is an almost telepathic bond, when present, that generates a sense of ‘Unity’ for the couple dancing together. If they were talking with words, they would finish each other’s sentences. This is a version of the “Conversation” model that’s below and allows for it happen more freely.
The “Conversation” is not poetic but sounds like it is. It is all too easy to romanticize this stuff when it is anything but that. In reality, the Conversation has three basic tenants as well as practical uses that you can quantify and point at. So let’s go over the three tenants, and then we’ll get to some practical applications after that:
1.) Each Role is an equal participant in the Conversation.
Sadly, most dancers do not see this, or more importantly allow for this to happen (See the article, which I haven’t written yet on ‘Creating Space and Opportunities’). In part because of how they’re trained, and in part because of societal choices, and in part because most of the language used to describe what’s going on is based entirely in CONTROL and ‘WAIT’ or ‘WAITING’ mentality.
2.) Each Role maintains and creates the relationship or ‘dynamic’ in the Conversation.
The dynamic between dancers is of paramount importance. Each dancer has an important role in creating and then maintaining the established relationship of the dynamic. This is partly what ‘Entregarse’ is all about. If you are unclear as to what that word means, I have defined it here and on my website. Please do a search for it.
3.) Each Role is a Speaker AND a Listener, and must swap between those roles as the conversation needs it to be.
In every conversation there is a speaker and listener, and those roles change as the discussion goes back and forth. Unfortunately in today’s tango world almost 90% of the time, the conversation is a Lead Monologue. Where the Lead is yapping constantly, and there is no space or time for the Follower to even interject a word, let alone a full sentence that doesn’t include ‘yes sir!’ mentality.
To be fair, there are some Leads in the tango world that do actually create space for their Follower, but they are few and far between. In order for a conversation to be a viable one where there is an exchange of information, ideas, thoughts, feelings, and for the parties to express themselves, the roles of speaker and listener must swap constantly. You can’t have someone trying to overspeak or two parties speaking at one another at the same time. It just doesn’t work.
Further still, there are some, and I would agree, that would say that you have to have a plan in your dancing. True. You do. Someone has to have a plan, and you can’t just willy-nilly throw out ideas and hope that something sticks. Really ? Are you sure about that ? Because that’s exactly what happens most of the time for a lot of Leads that think or believe they’re being ‘creative’! That aside, I am a firm believer in the Lead or Follow having a plan in mind and then executing that plan to the orchestra. The key component to that is that the plan has to be flexible and the topic agreed upon ahead of time so that both parties are not going at cross purposes with each other. In the Conversation Model, that communication is open and frank, whereas in the Tango model, the Follower has to be surreptitious about interjecting any idea so as not to alert the Lead that they have a brain in their head! If that sounds dismissive of the Lead, that’s because it is. Ask any Follower who’s been dancing for about a year or more whether or not the Leads they’re dancing with actually like it when they interject an idea. Some do, and most don’t, and they’ve made their displeasure known. The fact of the matter here is that when the Follower in the Tango model is given space and time, they shine because they feel like they’re contributing.
Now for a bit of clarity: ‘Role’ in this case refers not to Lead and Follow but instead to Speaker and Listener or if you prefer the traditional comm model theory ‘sender’ and ‘receiver’.
Traditionally if we employ a communications model to Argentine Tango, the “Lead” is the active communicator (like a speaker or sender), and the “Follow” is the ‘passive’ recipient (like a listener or receiver). Tango emphasizes the Lead’s actions over the message and treats the Follower as primarily reactive instead of proactive.
The ‘Conversation’ model replaces the traditional Tango mindset with a message-first-mindset which as a result creates a very different kind of dancing experience and opens possibilities that most probably didn’t see before.
Let’s be clear about something when talking about ‘Conversation’ vs. ‘Connection’, this isn’t simple word replacement. Meaning that you just use ‘Conversation’ in place of ‘Connection’. No. It’s a shift in language, perspective, and action for both roles:
1.) Language. The language used to describe these things is different. For example, > There is no Lead or Follow. There is Speaker and Listener. Another, there is no ‘lead’ or ‘led’ to describe the ACTIVITY of what someone in the position of directing the dance is doing, there is the Message. This one is a bit circumspect, but go with me here, there’s a pay off.
2.) Roles and Responsibilities for both. The roles for either dancer are not fixed. You are not a Speaker for the length of a dance, or a Listener. You are, in fact, constantly changing those roles as the Speaker finishes and swaps places with the Listener. So that the Listener has a chance to speak if they choose to do so.
3.)The Listener is Proactive. They’re actively looking for ways to engage in the conversation instead of being a passive participant, and here’s the fun part, the active Speaker is creating opportunities for them to do precisely that! Further still, the Speaker doesn’t get all pissy when the Listener interjects with an idea!
By sharp contrast, in the Tango model of communication, it literally says that the Sender is of primary importance, the msg is secondary, and the Receiver of the msg has no agency; they’re passive. In the Conversation Model, both are active, and both are paying attention.
4.) No Monologues or Repetitions allowed! Which is to say that the Speaker needs to create opportunities for the Listener by asking questions and engaging in an actual conversation that’s thoughtful and insightful. Instead of what usually happens > the Lead droning on and on and on and on repeating the same vocabulary over and over and over again.
5.) No Speaker-splaining or Rushing. Meaning that the Speaker treats the Listener as an equal participant in the conversation and doesn’t teach them on the floor, or rush them to the end of their ideas but instead invites them to another idea! Which is a sharp contrast to what happens with most Leads and Follow dynamic > Mansplaining or Teaching on the Floor, and Rushing the Follower!
Again, this isn’t simple word replacement, it’s a shift in awareness and activity. Doing so creates an experience that is at once easeful, and again much more proactive to engage with instead of the typical Tango Lead/Follow dynamic.
The Practicality of the Conversation
First and foremost after reading all that you’re going to imagine that the traditional Lead will swap their embrace and become a Follower, and vice versa, after every move. Ummm no. That’s possible, absolutely, but no that’s not what’s going on here.
SIDE BAR: Truth be told the embrace is meaningless, it’s a construct, nothing more than that. It’s all about intent. This is something you have to feel from someone that does this regularly. I can swap the construct of the embrace and still Lead from that position. I do this all the time, as a fun toy, but it actually has another purpose which is outside the scope of this document. In fact I have an instructional video on TangoTopics about it > The Reverse Embrace! Which is to say that you do not need to swap the embrace to engage intent. To be fair, when I swap the embrace some Followers take that as a sign that I want them to Lead me. I’m not doing it for that purpose.
Secondly, the practical purpose of this stuff is so widespread it’s not even funny. Put simply, in every move you make, you are continually in a state of asking a question and listening for the response. And in truth, it’s a series of questions, and the response is in the form of a question.
For example, > The Speaker would say to the Listener > “Can we go here ?”, and the response would be “Sure! We can do that. Where would you like to go next ?”. OR the Speaker would say “Can we try this idea ?” And the Listener would respond in the form of a question “Can we add this or that to that idea ?” And so on. Questions!
When you approach the dance from this perspective instead of having a clear-cut, set pathway, it creates far more options and opportunities for both roles. But of course, this means that you have to have been trained not in steps, patterns, and figures, but rather foundational constructs that allow for great flexibility. Like, for instance, > The 6 Ways of Walking, or the 8 Types of Ochos, or the 8 Types of Turns, or the 256 Types of Crosses, or the 8 Types of Ocho Cortados in order to have the type of conversation where it’s a series of questions.
Thirdly, another benefit of this kind of conceptualization is that you become far more versatile than the dancer that hasn’t done this kind of work. This skill here is adaptation. To be fair, we all adapt to every partner we dance with. The difference here is that that adaptation is a mirroring of whatever it is that the partner feels more comfortable with, and NOT the typical embrace level of comfort while the Lead drones on and on and on never creating opportunities for the Follower to engage.
One more practical application of this kind of conceptualization is that the dancers tend to become far more hyperaware of their own bodies and their partner’s bodies. They become much more attuned to what’s going on with their partners and actively try to help them. Which, not to beat a dead horse, is very similar to > ENTREGARSE!
This conceptualization isn’t necessarily that different from Entregarse. As a matter of fact, I would argue that Entregarse is built into it. And in the practice of Entregarse, note that the language to describe Lead and Follow hasn’t changed, nor has the vocabulary, and there’s no swapping of anything. And everything seems to work much better. So perhaps Entregarse is a stepping stone towards being more proactive with your dance partners and creating space.
The Wrap Up!
A.) The Conversation is a conceptualization idea to facilitate a communication model that benefits both roles.
B.) The Roles are markers to help someone understand what they’re supposed to be doing and why.
C.) The Practical Applications here are numerous and not just limited to what I’ve laid out above.
Lastly, remember that this is just an idea, and no one is forcing you to do anything. Nor am I. I honestly use this language with my latest intensive-level students and have been using bits and pieces of it for years. Truthfully, I mix and match where I can to what the student can handle conceptually. I don’t drill it into them, but ask them to ‘Selah’ (Pause and Reflect).
Usually, in my intensive study sessions, there’s a lot of discussion and practical application that goes on where I create situations for them to think outside their boxes. And in those places, I throw in a liberal dose of this language. It’s deliberate and effective. They come out the other side of the Intensive Study Program as not only well-rounded dancers but much more respectful dancers. The mere fact that I teach them to Lead and Follow at the same time gives them that respect, but having the language of the Conversation Model there reinforces this process.
Thanks for reading, and if you’re interested in learning more about the Intensive Study Program, you can follow the link here.